The Representative

We are all familiar with “The Representative” when it comes to dating.  What is the representative in regards to dating? Well it’s when the person is on their best behavior during the early stages of dating. They mask who they are. They conform or transform to the person you want them to be, or the person they want you to think they are. I think we all use the representative when it comes to dating. It is understandable that you  don’t want to show all of your baggage during the early stages of dating, but then you must also make sure that your representative represents you and not someone you can ‘t live up to.

I know someone who met a guy and he was the total package. The guy had already told her what he was looking for, what he was interested in, and what he liked. She presented her representative based on what he told her. She is also a good catch but she really wasn’t interested in politics, sports, and art history. She wasn’t a woman who wanted to be in various social clubs and she didn’t like jazz and classical music. Nonetheless, she made him think she was. Now he thinks, wow finally a woman who share the same interests. Her reasoning is that he’s a great guy, with no children, and well-established. She didn’t want the opportunity to pass her by even though the guy is a total bore to her. How long can she keep up this facade? Is she willing to change herself completely for this guy? Will this be a happy ending?  Maybe just maybe………….

Now what about the person who uses the representative for deceptive purposes. For example, There’s this guy that is a serious flirt and he loves women and the attention women give him.  The problem is he is married. He scopes out the women and move in for the kill.  He’s very clever and he pays attention to everything the woman says. He asks the right questions. This all so that he becomes the representative the women wants. He carries on this charade for as long as he can. He manages to get women to fall in love with him and then the Mr. Wonderful act disappears. The women start to notice his stories aren’t adding up. They also notice, he doesn’t hang out with them as much. When he does hang out with them, it only for sex. He never reveals he is a married man.  If things get too complicated with the women, he dumps them. One woman wised up before he could dump her. She put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out he was married. She confronted him and he admitted he was married.  He only admitted it because she had proof. Now basically, he was a pathological liar. He left women questioning themselves and trying to figure out who he was.

I’m definitely not sending the message that you shouldn’t use your representative in the beginning stages of dating. Besides, who wants to know your life story on the first date. That will be shared as time go on. The mask must come off eventually. The stories I shared are just examples of how the using the representative can go wrong. Normally when people use the representative is when the guard is up during the early stages of dating. Remember make sure your representative closely resembles who you really are. Don’t  try to be something you are not. The pretending will eventually become difficult to pull of.  Every one has flaws; don’t be afraid to show them, because if someone is really into you they will accept you flaws and all.

Do you think people should use their “representative” in the beginning stages of dating? Do you think people should just let it all out in the beginning?



Posted on July 20, 2011, in Love & Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. The representative is definitely important in the early,stages. However if you care about building a stable relationship, it is imperative that you start peeling off the mask as gently and as quickly as possible. Give the other party a fair chance in deciding whether to be in the relationship or not.


  2. I think people should let it out in the beginning. This way you can find out if you & your date are right for each other.


  3. @ KC you are so right. It’s hard to get away from the representative because we all want to make a good impression.

    @ Sonya I can see your point of view……….full transparency. I can admit I have used “my representative” a time or two but it always resembled I am. The mask was removed quickly. I never used it to be deceiving or misleading.


  4. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my posts. I really appreciate it.

    Much Love,


  5. My mom taught me about the 3mth rule. I like calling it the 90 day trial. That’s enough time for the truth to peek through.
    But if they start displaying a flippity flop personality (the twins, Gem & I), & they are not suffering from multiple personalities or Bugs Bunny Syndrome – then it’s time to pull that “Disappearing Act” … by now they have earned the title of “Suspect”. Please don’t worry about hurting their feelings, “Suspects” have very little conscience – if any O.O
    IMO – “any” relationship is not up for discussion. Done.

    I’m up front. Always have been. No game. No facade. No foolishness. Not handing out Oscars…. lol
    Besides, I have never been able to envision anything past casual conversation. Not saying I don’t have an imagination, just I live in that moment. I’ve been surprised many times to learn has been “smitten” … lol. I never ask why unless it leads to a serious relationship bc I know I’ll “jinx” myself by becoming overly engrossed with everything I do/say. Strange huh? Lol. *sigh* … they say Love is blind, not referring to physical attributes – but how it sneaks upon you when you least expect 😉


    • Typo … “learn someone has been smitten …”

      Ok. I’m going to bed now. Grwat blogs & if I keep reading then I’ll keep responding & if I keep responding then I’ll keep making errors & my comments will eventually make absolutely no sense which will be nonsense ….
      Aggbnji I’ll d nio

      see what I mean? j/k \m/ xoxo


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