Disappearing Acts

Don’t  you just hate when a person disappears out of your life without a reason or warning?  One minute things are going well and then the next minute POOF they are gone. They leave you with a lot of unanswered questions and the closure you so desperately like to have. Closure in a relationship is very important but it’s something that you don’t get in many relationships.  It is very hard when a relationship suddenly ends but it is even more difficult when you don’t know the reasons. Getting that closure is tough but it is attainable. It may not be the way you would like to have it. You can most certainly get to happy if you try.

…………………..Of course I have a story for you. Check it out!

I have a sister friend who met a wonderful guy and they had instant chemistry. They talked on the phone, sent text messages, and instant messaged constantly. They went on several dates. They really enjoyed each other’s company. It was the start of a lovely relationship. About  a month into the relationship, my friend had to have surgery. The guy was so wonderful and supportive. When her mom left a week after the surgery, the guy made sure he was available to help her recover. He came and sat with her and fed her soup. He told her she was beautiful even though she looked horrible. He made sure she took her medicine and completed her daily cleaning. After 2 weeks the doctor told her she could resume her normal routine. She was happy and the guy was really happy. He prepared a celebration dinner for her at his place. She was back to her old self. She wore a skirt and a sexy top. She also wore her hair curly the way he liked it.  They had an awesome time! After such an awesome time, they started discussing being exclusive. They continued to see each other and spend time together. This lasted about 3 months and then the dreaded day happened.

One day while my friend was at work, the guy called her during her break. She missed the called; however she called him back and didn’t get an answer. The day went on and night came, she noticed he hadn’t called her back. She decided to call him again because it wasn’t like him to not call. Still no answer. Days went by and still nothing. She was wondering what could have happened. A week later she noticed he deleted her as a friend from his MySpace page. She couldn’t believe it. She was sad, angry, and hurt all at the same time. He left her with a lot of unanswered questions. How could someone just stop all contact without an explanation? She went over and over it in her mind.  She and other friends tried to come up with explanations but couldn’t. She just could not understand what made him disappear. She desperately needed and wanted closure. She knew she had to get past this so she could get on with her life but it was just too damn hard. She finally decided to cleanse herself by sending him an email. She let it all out. He didn’t respond but she felt better and she was able to move forward.

There are times in our lives when relationships end unexpectedly, whether it’s a significant other or friendship. Not having that closure can really have an impact but is it really necessary to have closure? Your questions may not ever get answered or you may never get that final conversation or goodbye.  There are ways to move on even if you don’t have closure.

1. Acceptance. Accept that it is over is a very important step.

2. Write a letter/email. This is a good way to get it all out. You can choose to send it or not.

3. Change of scenery. This is good for reflection and gaining a new perspective.

4. Forgiveness. This is very difficult to do but it is so necessary for future relationships.

There is no magic formula for getting closure but you can get back to happy!

Has someone ever ended a relationship with you without closure? Is it necessary to have closure? What are your thoughts?



Posted on January 17, 2013, in Love & Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. There could be countless reasons why someone would chose to jus disappear rather than do it face to face. I can think of a few: 1. Fear of a violent reaction 2. Fear of a complete breakdown of the person being dumped 3. Not sure there is a reason for the breakup may be got bored scared of commitment etc. im not saying it is the right thing to do but there is def a reason that only the person that does it knows


  2. So true but it still hurts the person and not to mention the confusion it may cause


  3. Thanks for sharing my post. And you have some good points there too – it’s hard, it’s painful, it’s confusing – but we just have to deal with it and move on. When someone breaks up with giving you the decency of a closure, they simply don’t deserve you – and you are way better off without them.


  4. The cowardly way out. It’s happened to me quite a few times. Really nothing more you can do but pick your head up, realize you’re better off without a sketchy person like that and move forward. Someone who is thoughtless enough to pull a disappearing act after all that time, its someone you are better off without.


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