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Because I Love Your Locks:Dating Women With Natural Hair

Today’s post features a talented blogger. I’ve shared some of his work before. I have been following his blog and I must say I am very impressed. I asked him a week ago would he consider doing a guest post for my blog and he happily accepted. I asked him to share his thoughts about dating women with natural hair. Here is what he had to say………..

Because I Love Your Locks- Dating Women With Natural Hair

Let’s be honest: hair on a woman is a beautiful thing. Regardless of race, it is always something to see. Straight, curly, or what some refer to as “nappy” is all acceptable in my world. Plus, my childish side has an inclination to play in it. Thus, I find hair to be “attractive”.

At the end of the day, I don’t care whether a woman’s hair is natural or not. However, it does excite me when there are no perms or unnecessary chemicals added. It is a lovely thing for women to accept their natural hair as their own. Also, it allows for women to be confident in their unrefined, unadulterated beauty. On top of that, many natural women know how to flaunt their styles confidently. In turn, I see as many natural women being proud of their hairstyles as women with perms and such.

Oh, one more thing: with natural women I can reference Coming to America and say my favorite “juices and berries” line.

Still, many women wonder what men think. From my experience, I will tell you this: the majority of us are going to accept you (and your hair) for what it is. That is unless it is a total mess.

In fact, there are plenty of instances where men have been excited or thrilled by the notion of a woman wearing natural hair. Many areas with enriched cultural populations have no problem with natural hair styles. So, men will go along with what is being worn. Also, there are men that have even celebrated the beauty of natural hair (see Glenford Nunez). So, there will be plenty of men excited about a natural hairstyle.

Still, there are going to be instances where men don’t like natural hair. That is totally fine. Maybe he isn’t a man you need to date. Seriously! Unless your hair is horrendous in a natural state, then you might need to reconsider a man that has an issue with your natural hair. If he wants it straightened out, you need to find out what HIS issue is. He may prefer straighter hair. He may have some “straight hair preference issues”. Either or, there are plenty of fans to cancel out those that don’t like the natural follicle expression.

At the end of the day, most men are going to go along with what the female’s hairstyle preference is (unless it doesn’t look good). If they, as black men, don’t like your hair then they you may need to leave them be. Most men shouldn’t care about hair texture anyway. Natural hair enhances the aesthetic approach of a woman’s energy and aura. It is no wonder that the natural approach to hair is gaining popularity. It doesn’t take Sampson to note the importance of strength in hair.


About the Author:

Born and raised in Gary, Indiana with parents of southern descent, Mark A. Harris is just a regular guy with a gift of gab. When he is not writing blogs for Chocolate Covered Lies or reviewing music, he will usually be teaching middle school children about Social Studies, finding time to see his intellectually stimulated yet quite daughter, or trying to figure out who can finance his first few fiction books he plans on writing. He currently resides in the Atlanta suburbs with his wonderful girlfriend. He can be reached on Twitter @darcwonn, Facebook Mark A. Harris, and email . Check out his blog

 Mark has once again delivered! This post is relevant and timely. Ladies, if you are wondering how men feel about natural hair, this man just answered. I know he can’t speak for all men and I know some men are just not down with it. It’s their preference. For every on man who doesn’t approve there’s five men who do. That’s my truth about dating!


Men, do you agree with his thoughts on women and natural hair? Ladies, did he put it down or what? Show a brotha some love!


For the Love of Our Black Sisters

A friend of mine shared this with me on Twitter. I thought it was a very good post and of course I wanted to share it on my blog. This post is written by a talented brother. His insight is on point. So without further ado introducing darcwonn1906 from Check it out!!

I love black women.

Let me be honest, I love black women and I have no problem saying it. This does not mean that I don’t appreciate Caucasian or Asian women, either. It does not mean that I will discriminate. What it DOES mean is that throughout the trials, tribulations, and whatnot that I may go through with a black woman, I still love them. I was raised by one. I have a twin sister and a daughter. I am dating a black woman. My love for black women is undying.

But can I say the same for other black men? Astoundingly, yes I can. But, the problem is that so many have been blinded by “lack of black love” that they make their disparaging remarks in public or “in music” [1]. Many black women feel slighted by this. Others may “protest”. In turn, there are a few of us that make our situation hard.

My chocolate covered lie? Cool, let us get into it: black men don’t want black women anymore.

Are we all ready for this journey? Because you know I am.

Why This Issue?

I picked this issue because it is important to our race. We are one (if not the only) race that has internal male/female relationship issues. So much is given to our race due to our “divide and conquer” attitudes as of late [2]. Even the media has helped us along the way with the discrepancy. This issue is important because so many are lost on whether or not we, as a people, have these issues with each other.

The Stereotypes

I noticed some artwork by Philadelphia based artist Alex L on Facebook. The work breaks down some aspects that men find troubling:

1.) Our women don’t support our men: I can’t even say this with a straight face. Our women probably OVERSUPPORT our men (in certain cases). Some of it happens to the point of nausea. Yes, there are quite a few women that don’t. Then there are others that are “tired of it” and need us to “step it up” [3]. Whichever side of the spectrum one may reside, I’m not buying into the “our black women don’t care about us” idea. I refuse to. It just isn’t true.

2.) Black men getting with white women due to lack of choice: First of all, you seriously have to be “lame” or “living in the wrong area” to lack choice in women. Some actually enjoy their partners regardless of color. There are some that do it “because they are tired of black women”, but women are women. They will nag, be combative, or mean regardless of race. Plus, many interracial relationships have a smaller rate of becoming marriages than same race dating [4]. So, take it as it is: even interracial relationships aren’t guaranteed to work.

3.) Many black women are “too independent” and “self-serving”: Plenty are. And plenty are not. Please don’t believe the hype of our black women not loving themselves. There are increases in women going back to natural hair styles and holistic living [5]. Also, there are plenty of women in touch with their heritage. I know a lot of women that can cook and are submissive to their men.Oh, and trust me: plenty of women cannot STAND the “Nicki Minaj clones” that run around here. Just the truth.

The Skinny

Black men, please love your black women. If you do, please act like it. We can’t keep going around as if our women aren’t good enough or they don’t love us. They do. Sometimes, they are just frustrated by us. Or, they are purely misled. Whichever way it goes, it we want to mend this situation we need to start being realistic. Truth be told, there is nothing like Black Love anyway.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!

Click here to check him out! For The Love of Our Black Sisters: CCL #30 ( Be sure to check out Part 2 to this Post………….For the Love of Us Black Brothers

Show him some love…………What are your thoughts?


Your Truth About DatingStory 9-28-11

Hey Truthseeker,

This is not really a truth about a liar story but I still wanted to share. This is actually a good story. I read your post “Shades of Love” and I must say it was a very good post and very relevant. I am currently dating a hispanic guy.We have been dating for almost a year now. This is my first time stepping out of my comfort zone and I must say it is not bad all. I was skeptical at first for many reasons but I really enjoy being with my guy. He is a very good guys and treats me very well.Of course we have culture differences but I embrace it. Both of our families are comfortable with it. We do get stares from time to time from random people. I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone of just dating black men. Don’t get me wrong I still have love for black men. Truthseeker thank you for sharing that post with the world. It gave me courage to share my story.

Annoymous Black Woman in Texas


Dear Anonymous Black Woman in Texas,

Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I am so glad you had the courage to try something new. I am also glad it is working out. I think other women who are considering dating beyond the color will find this helpful no matter what race they are. It would be great if you kept all us in truthseeker land posted on your new adventure. I really appreciate you taking interest in blog. Good Luck! And until next time…………..Live, Love, Laugh


Shades of Love

Recently a friend of mine posted in our Great Debaters Group on Facebook…………Would you date outside your race? Why or Why not? Have you ever dated outside your race? During the time she posted I had just read an article in the September issue of Essence Magazine about the same topic. I thought what a great topic to debate on. Meanwhile, I read a lot of the comments that were posted, which were very interesting. A lot of women responded and said yes they would but they still love the brothas. Only a few said they would not. The reasons where endless but I did notice a common thread. The concern about the other races and the loyalty to the black race. Hmmmm!!!

This made me go back and reflect on the article in Essence Magazine, Dating Beyond the Color Line. We all know that 42% of black women in the U.S. are not married. That number doubles the number of single white women. We also know the reasons linked to that percentage. It’s a topic that is continuously being discussed. **Sigh**  Well I guess in a sense I am going to continue the discussion but I want to take a different approach. I don’t want to talk negatively about black women.I don’t want to talk about black men dating white women. I don’t want to talk about the amount of black men that are gay, in prison, or dead. It’s redundant! However; I do want to discuss Ralph Richard Banks‘s controversial new book, Is Marriage for White People? that urges Black women to consider crossing  the color line for practical reasons. I haven’t read the book but he was featured in the article in Essence Magazine.

He suggests black women should open up to dating other races including Caucasian, Latino, Middle Eastern, Indian, and Asian. Contrary to popular belief, many of these races find black women extremely attractive and would love to date us.  We as black women remain hesitant because of the concern about the race and of course loyalty. As a black woman, I want to encourage us to consider moving out of our comfort zone and date beyond the color line. I know that there are pros and cons but that is true for most things. Many sistas have already moved beyond and found long-lasting relationships with men of other races. Doing so doesn’t make them disloyal. It just means they have explored other options.

 The article also featured four interracial couples that detailed the joys of interracial dating. Two of the couple are married, one is engaged, and the other is romantically involved. Each couple shared that they were truly happy and that of course they have obstacles; but the happiness overshadows the obstacles. This is just more proof that it can work. With the high percentage of us not being married, dating beyond the color line is becoming more prevalent today. Besides God uniquely created us all. We are one race—-the human race. There are many different shades of love, don’t limit yourself to one shade.

Link to Essence Magazine Article

Now it’s time to speak your mind. Have your ever dated outside of your race? Would you consider dating beyond the color line? Why or why not?


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