I was catching up on my Marie Claire magazines when I came across an article in the March 2013 issue. The article is “The Seven Types of FWBs”. It basically outlines the different types of friend with benefits relationships that exist. Now I’m a bit perplexed because this causal relationship has evolved into many things.
This list originated from a study conducted by Arizona State University and Northern Illinois University. It was published in the Journal of Sex Research. Check it out list!
1. True Friends (what we call TF)
Academic Definition: An important friend considered a safe sexual partner.
Translation: You actually want to hang out with him with your clothes on.
My translation: This is the original friends with benefits!
2. Just Sex (JS)
Academic Definition: Other than sexual encounters, little interaction occurs.
Translation: You only talk to him after 11 p.m.
My translation: Everyone knows this is a booty call! #cuttybuddy
3. Network Opportunism (NO)
Academic Definition: Friends whose shared network allows them to interact, typically while consuming alcohol.
Translation: He’s your end-of-the-party default option.
My translation: One Night Stand!
4. Successful Transition (ST)
Academic Definition: Intentionally and effectively using an FWB to initiate a romantic relationship.
Translation: Through your wit and charm, you’ve turned it into a real thing.
My translation: Don’t hate the player; just hate the game!
5. Unintentional Transition (UT)
Academic Definition: An FWB leads to a romantic relationship, although it was not the original intent.
Translation: Whoops! He’s your accidental boyfriend.
My translation: A Situationship gone Right!
6. Failed Transition (FT)
Academic Definition: One or both partners attempted, unsuccessfully, to generate a romantic transition.
Translation: You’re heartbroken (or he is)… And now you’re having heartbreak sex.
My translation: #EPIC Fail! or A Situationship gone Wrong!
7. Transition Out (TO)
Academic Definition: Sexual interactions between partners from a terminated romantic relationship.
Translation: Your halfhearted breakup sex lasts for months.
My translation: Too damn complicated! Stop while you’re ahead!
I guess causal relationships have become a little more complex. It seems like it would be little less complicated to be in an exclusive relationship. Then again causal relationships originated because people want no strings attached relationships. Whatever the case may be……Know your relationship status!
What’s you current relationship status? Which FWB are you? Is there another type of FWB that should be added?
You’ve heard it before.Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.As catchy as it sounds, it just isn’t true. Sorry, the tagline was created to sell books. I’ll admit men and women have obvious differences but the dividing line is perspective. So, ladies, while you’re pruning those dozen roses, in the name of St.Valentine, know, depending on the guy, they carry a deeper message. Below is a list of things from the Male Perspective.
*We don’t give in to your pouting because we’re annoyed. We acquiesce because we like the way your eyes light up when you’re excited.
*We don’t engage in sex solely for the orgasm. We do it because it is with you.
*We don’t compromise merely for the sake of compromising. We compromise because we understand that a better you means a better us.
*We don’t dislike crying because you’re crying. We don’t like it because when you’re hurt we are too.
*We don’t buy you things because it demonstrates love. We buy you things because we just want to.
*We don’t forget things that are important to you on purpose. We lose track of things because we are trying to do everything you ask of us.
*We don’t tell you good morning for the sake of saying it. With you, the morning is actually good.
*We don’t misunderstand what you are saying. We get it but we seek further clarity because we want to make sure we don’t make the same mistake again.
*We don’t withdraw to the man cave because we don’t want to be with you. We need time to reflect on our purpose, renew our strength, review our mistakes, helping us become a better man.
*We don’t avoid confrontation because we can’t communicate. We avoid it because we’d rather spend our energy fighting for us.
About the Author:
Peter Black aka Benghazi dons a panoramic outlook, giving him a unique hue. He is a full-fledged libertarian, living life according to his own terms. Rocked since birth, Peter has Rock Star DNA and is well-traveled. Born in the South and raised by his mother, he’s a Southern Gentleman but has an affinity for the East Coast. Peter enjoys the creative process and when he’s not blogging, he’s creating projects for his You Tube channel. Check out Peter Black’s blog www.askpeterblack.com Follow him on Twitter @askpeterblack
The Secret to Hooking Up with Latin Men: There is no Secret
I don’t know if it’s the winter blues or something in the water, but recently I’ve been getting a lot of questions from some of my girlfriends about how to hook up with “fiery Latino men”. There is something that most women love about the dark hair and tan skin—points added if he speaks with an accent. I have found that I am not as attracted to the Enrique Iglesias’s or the Antonio Banderas’s that lurk in the minds of most women, but, being a Latina, my friends think that I know the ins and outs of the Latino Man’s mind. And I do. But I’ll tell you a little secret; it has nothing to do with anybody being Latin, and everything to do with them being men.
I’ll tell you right now that nabbing that Latin hunk isn’t any harder than nabbing any other guy. Why is this? Because they are all guys! Now, I’m not saying that all guys are the same, at all. They’re not. What I’m saying is that you can’t look at a guy, see that he’s a Latino, and have a magic formula on how to hook up with him. It doesn’t work that way just because somebody is Latino, just like it doesn’t work that way just because somebody is black or white.
I’ve looked at a couple of different pieces of “advice” that I’ve found on the internet. One site says to:
- Dress sexy
- Smell good
- Learn how to dance
- Have a good sense of humor
Another site says to:
- Hang out with more Hispanic people
- Hang out in areas where Hispanic people hang out
There are other sites that get more into the stereotypical side of Latino dating, like how you should start acting more “fiery” and let them chase you, but I’m not going to even go into that because stereotypes are ridiculous. What I am going to point out is that the sites above are not offering any new information. There is nothing about dressing sexy, smelling good, dancing, or having a good sense of humor that is specific to Latinos. These are all things you should be doing anyway, regardless of whether or not your hook up is Hispanic. The second list, on the other hand, is simply telling women to go hang out where Latinos hang out. Why? Because that’s all a woman really needs to do!
The best piece of advice that I can give a woman looking to get with a Latino is to just be yourself. Use whatever tactics you use on any other guy. There’s no big secret on how to hook up with Latino guys, so stop reading into it so much.
Latino, Asian, whatever, the thing to remember is that a man is a man. And if you want a man there’s really only one thing you have to do: GO GET HIM!
About the Author:
I’m sure most of you enjoyed Peter Black’s post Hierarchy. As I stated before, women have a hierarchy of men too. This post is my rebuttal to Peter Black’s post. Men think they have all the fun. Little do they know, we invented the shit. 🙂
Just as the Wifey, the Hubby atop all others. The Hubby is “THE MAN”. He puts it down like no other. He takes care of home in many ways. He happily steps up and provides for the home. He’s your knight in shining armor and will defend your honor any day. He’s the one that totally gets and accepts you, flaws and all. He has the good/bad boy appeal. He’s the total package. Basically, he’s all that and a sack of potatoes.
2. Boo Thang
Boo Thang is the guy that wants to be Hubby. He could have possibly been Hubby but he’s lacking a certain je ne sais quoi. For that he will always be second best. He’s always trying above and beyond to prove he can be the Hubby. His ego gets in the way, hence there’s always a pissing contest where Hubby is concerned. Boo Thang get the “treatment” when Hubby isn’t being Prince Charming. The thing to remember is to dangle enough bait to keep Boo Thang around but not mess up what you have with the Hubby. Let’s face it Boo Thang has the potential to destroy your happy home.
3. Hook Up
The Hook Up is similar to Peter’s Jump Off. They both understand the intricacies of the hierarchy. Minimal contact is needed for the Hook Up and is willing to kick it from time to time. The Hook Up knows about Hubby but he’s not trying to move up the ladder. This is where he and the Jump Off differ. The Hook Up already has a Wifey, he’s not trying to replace her. He just needs an escape every once in a while. You and the Hook Up are on the same page, which equals less drama.
4. Stand By
The Stand By is the guy that is waiting for just a little of your time. He’s like a spare tire for the Hook Up, the Boo Thang, or the Hubby. He is clueless about the hierarchy. He’s just trying to get in where he fits in. The Stand By is usually the guy that wanted to date you once upon time but didn’t. He essentially feels the both of you have unfinished business. He doesn’t realize he will never move pass Stand By.
Ladies have you ever ranked your men? Men, where you fall on the hierarchy?
- Guest Post: Hierarchy (truthseeker411.com)
- Are You a Wife or a Wifey? Take This Quiz to Find Out (everythinggl.com)
A commenter shared her story after reading my blog post Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies. FWBs are so relevant now. More and more, people find themselves entangled in this type of relationship. Instead of me sharing my thoughts about the situation, Peter Black has decided to give his male perspective.
Comment: Confused…I have what I believe is an fwb relationship except for the fact that the guy says we only see each other and no one else and calls me his girlfriend, he wants no emotional attachment and no future just wants to be in the moment. We have been dating (or whatever this is) for 5 months and he is also very jealous. When I approached him with my confusion his response was “do you think i should be going ga-ga over you?” How do you have a non-emotional relationship with someone who wants nothing more than to have fun, dinners, hanging out holidays together and we both have children that also are part of this relationship we do stuff with them and still call it fwb? I am fine with the fwb relationship just confused on what he wants from this since I don’t get any answers. Men really are from another planet I think, lol
Confuse: [kuh n-fyooz] to fail to distinguish between; associate by mistake; confound:
Dear Ms. Confused
Thank you on two fronts. First, thank you for following The Truth About Dating. Without readers, blogging is simply talking to one’s self. 🙂 Second, it takes courage to leave a comment, exposing you and your situation. We applaud your effort and again we say thank you!
It’s been 5 months, you’re confused, somewhat emotionally attached and I can see why. The actions or the things you two do go beyond the organic definition of friends with benefits, in particularly exclusivity. While you and he have a fantastic modified version of friends with benefits, it’s still like leaving the milk out of the frig; it’s going to go bad.
To avoid the disastrous ending, at least for you, seek clarity in two areas, confirming the status and the direction in which things are headed. I know. I know. You’ve asked before and he hasn’t responded. However, try this approach. Let him know your questioning is not an attempt at marriage or a long-term commitment. Tell him you’re asking out of respect, as you don’t want to disrespect him in any way like having him see you out on a date with another person.
For now you’re satisfied. But, who knows what may come in the next 5 months, hopefully more benefits with your new friend. 🙂 However, remember, be honest with yourself and him, acknowledging when things have changed and you begin to want more.
Are there any other words of encouragement for confused? Please share!
What do you call a relationship that is more than friends with benefits but less than an exclusive relationship?
A friend and I had this conversation a couple of months ago. We were trying to figure out how to define such a relationship. This particular friend met a guy and they hit it off instantly. They started hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. The chemistry between the two of them were off the charts. After a couple of months of dating, they decided to discuss where they were relationship wise. The guy wasn’t looking for a significant other, but he didn’t quite see my friend as a fwb. My friend wasn’t looking for a significant other either. She had moved on from another relationship and just wanted to chill. She also felt he was more than a fwb. After jokingly discussing it, my friend came up with the term “situationship”.
What’s a situationship?
A situationship is a fun but tricky in-between stage of being more than friends with benefits but less than a relationship. It has all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations. The interesting thing is that more often than not a situationship can turn into a full-blown relationship. As with most casual relationships it can get emotionally complicated.
Is it worth it?
The truth of the matter is that a situationship can get complicated. Despite how complicated it can be, it’s an easygoing alternative to a relationship. You get the best of both worlds. You get the same benefits of a being in a relationship without the title; while enjoying the freedom of being single. Two things can happen in a situationship. You may find yourself in an exclusive relationship or worse-case scenario, you may crash and burn. You have to decide if it’s worth it to you.
In a Nutshell
A situationship is another casual relationship but a little different from friends with benefits, cutty buddy, booty call, etc. Some may say, why not just be exclusive. If it looks, acts, walks, and quacks like a duck ; then it’s a duck. That may be true but for some they need to have boundaries or restrictions in place before they take a big leap into a relationship. Besides, the traditional relationship in a sense is ever-changing.
As for my friend, her situtationship turned into a relationship. She and the guy have a strong like for each other. In the words of J Cole, they just can’t get enough of each other. That’s a good thing!
Have you ever been in a situationship? What happened? Did you like it? Do tell? What would you call a relationship that is more than friends with benefits but less than an exclusive relationship?
This post is dedicated to my sister friend. She knows who she is. I see you, social butterfly 😉 Love ya!
Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-6b
My date with the Jamaican and the jet ski was adventurous, spontaneous, and exhilarating. One summer about three years ago, I met a guy at a local casino. We’ll just call him Mr. Pisces. I was hanging out with a couple of my sister friends and a colleague. We decided we would get our dance on. It’s was right around the time of Michael Jackson’s death, so we were all feeling some
kinda kind of way. The DJ started to play a medley of MJ’s songs and that’s all I needed to keep me on the dance floor. I was getting my groove on as if I was the only person there. Then suddenly my friend tapped me on the shoulder and said that a guy wanted to talk to me. He walked over to her to ask about me. I asked what did he look like because I couldn’t see him. She said you will just have to see for yourself and that he had some sort of accent. Well I told her to tell him to wait because Michael Jackson was playing and I was not leaving the dance floor. She told him just that. I continued to dance and sing to the medley of songs that seem to have gone on forever. The songs ended and I exited the dance floor. To my surprise, Mr. Pisces was still standing there with my friend WTH?? I just knew he had moved on. My other friend said, he has been patiently waiting for you. Finally we make introductions and conversed over the loud music. We talked and talked and then we danced for little while.
The next morning he sent me a few text message. I frowned because I am not a morning person and that
shit crap woke me up. He was in a training session and wanted to know if we could meet later for lunch. Well I was super busy that day. We didn’t have lunch but we did manage to share a chocolate brownie a la mode. It’s funny how when I first saw him that was the image that came to mind. Yummy! I couldn’t hang out with him for long so the little meet and greet ended quickly. He said he wanted to see me soon rather than later. I said okay we will try to make that happen.
It’s Sunday morning and ding another early morning text. Mr. Pisces wanted to go to the beach and hang out later that afternoon. I said fine but I had lunch plans with my sister friends. We agreed to meet up at 4:00. Well some how time got away from me and I wasn’t prepared for the beach. Mr. Pisces is of course eager, ready, and punctual. He called me to let me know he was headed to the beach. I told him I wasn’t ready and I didn’t have my car. He said no problem I will pick you up. I told him I didn’t have my beach gear with me and that I needed to get something to wear. Once again, he said no problem. I hung up and told my friends he was on the way to get me and I needed to go to the store. We rushed to pay the check at the restaurant so we could leave. As we were walking to Old Navy, a truck pulls up with jet ski on the back. I’m thinking to myself, I hope he is not trying to get me to ride that thing. I told him in one of our conversations that I had a fear of water because of a near death experience I had when I was 13. I was working to overcome that fear by taking swimming lessons. It only made sense since I live on a coastal area. There was no way I was ready to jet ski in a large ocean. I told him I was going to get something to wear. He said ok I will wait for you. My friends and I go into Old Navy to pick something out quickly. They were excited but my
ass was nervous. We pulled together something beachy and said our goodbyes.
I walked to the truck and Mr. Pisces hopped out and opened the door for me. He smiled like there was some secret he wasn’t telling me. I gave him a nervous smile because I knew what he was trying to do. While driving, he grabbed my hand and said don’t be nervous, you’re in good hands. He read my mind. I told him I wasn’t ready for this. He said you will have on a life jacket and to trust him. We arrived and he pulled the jet ski off the truck. He put my life jacket on and made sure it was secured. He gave me a run down of how the jet ski worked and a speech about not panicking. Finally he helped me on the jet ski and he sat in front of me. He said hold on to him and relax. You better believe I held on to him. He started that baby up and off we went. We zoomed across the gulf and I must say it was absolutely incredible! I couldn’t believe I was on a jet ski in the middle of the freaking ocean. We rode for what seemed like hours and then we proceeded towards land. Right as we got close to land, we tilted over and SPLASH! We both fell in the water. I panicked until I floated back to the top of the water. I had forgotten all about the life jacket. He laughed and said see I told you, you were in good hands. The experience was exhilarating!
After an enjoyable first date and a many more great dates, we became exclusive and dated for a while. We were totally opposite but we had a lot of fun. I was his reddgirl and he was my island boy. As we all know, some things just aren’t meant to be.
What is one of your most memorable dates?