I was catching up on my Marie Claire magazines when I came across an article in the March 2013 issue. The article is “The Seven Types of FWBs”. It basically outlines the different types of friend with benefits relationships that exist. Now I’m a bit perplexed because this causal relationship has evolved into many things.
This list originated from a study conducted by Arizona State University and Northern Illinois University. It was published in the Journal of Sex Research. Check it out list!
1. True Friends (what we call TF)
Academic Definition: An important friend considered a safe sexual partner.
Translation: You actually want to hang out with him with your clothes on.
My translation: This is the original friends with benefits!
2. Just Sex (JS)
Academic Definition: Other than sexual encounters, little interaction occurs.
Translation: You only talk to him after 11 p.m.
My translation: Everyone knows this is a booty call! #cuttybuddy
3. Network Opportunism (NO)
Academic Definition: Friends whose shared network allows them to interact, typically while consuming alcohol.
Translation: He’s your end-of-the-party default option.
My translation: One Night Stand!
4. Successful Transition (ST)
Academic Definition: Intentionally and effectively using an FWB to initiate a romantic relationship.
Translation: Through your wit and charm, you’ve turned it into a real thing.
My translation: Don’t hate the player; just hate the game!
5. Unintentional Transition (UT)
Academic Definition: An FWB leads to a romantic relationship, although it was not the original intent.
Translation: Whoops! He’s your accidental boyfriend.
My translation: A Situationship gone Right!
6. Failed Transition (FT)
Academic Definition: One or both partners attempted, unsuccessfully, to generate a romantic transition.
Translation: You’re heartbroken (or he is)… And now you’re having heartbreak sex.
My translation: #EPIC Fail! or A Situationship gone Wrong!
7. Transition Out (TO)
Academic Definition: Sexual interactions between partners from a terminated romantic relationship.
Translation: Your halfhearted breakup sex lasts for months.
My translation: Too damn complicated! Stop while you’re ahead!
I guess causal relationships have become a little more complex. It seems like it would be little less complicated to be in an exclusive relationship. Then again causal relationships originated because people want no strings attached relationships. Whatever the case may be……Know your relationship status!
What’s you current relationship status? Which FWB are you? Is there another type of FWB that should be added?
I’m sure most of you enjoyed Peter Black’s post Hierarchy. As I stated before, women have a hierarchy of men too. This post is my rebuttal to Peter Black’s post. Men think they have all the fun. Little do they know, we invented the shit. 🙂
Just as the Wifey, the Hubby atop all others. The Hubby is “THE MAN”. He puts it down like no other. He takes care of home in many ways. He happily steps up and provides for the home. He’s your knight in shining armor and will defend your honor any day. He’s the one that totally gets and accepts you, flaws and all. He has the good/bad boy appeal. He’s the total package. Basically, he’s all that and a sack of potatoes.
2. Boo Thang
Boo Thang is the guy that wants to be Hubby. He could have possibly been Hubby but he’s lacking a certain je ne sais quoi. For that he will always be second best. He’s always trying above and beyond to prove he can be the Hubby. His ego gets in the way, hence there’s always a pissing contest where Hubby is concerned. Boo Thang get the “treatment” when Hubby isn’t being Prince Charming. The thing to remember is to dangle enough bait to keep Boo Thang around but not mess up what you have with the Hubby. Let’s face it Boo Thang has the potential to destroy your happy home.
3. Hook Up
The Hook Up is similar to Peter’s Jump Off. They both understand the intricacies of the hierarchy. Minimal contact is needed for the Hook Up and is willing to kick it from time to time. The Hook Up knows about Hubby but he’s not trying to move up the ladder. This is where he and the Jump Off differ. The Hook Up already has a Wifey, he’s not trying to replace her. He just needs an escape every once in a while. You and the Hook Up are on the same page, which equals less drama.
4. Stand By
The Stand By is the guy that is waiting for just a little of your time. He’s like a spare tire for the Hook Up, the Boo Thang, or the Hubby. He is clueless about the hierarchy. He’s just trying to get in where he fits in. The Stand By is usually the guy that wanted to date you once upon time but didn’t. He essentially feels the both of you have unfinished business. He doesn’t realize he will never move pass Stand By.
Ladies have you ever ranked your men? Men, where you fall on the hierarchy?
- Guest Post: Hierarchy (truthseeker411.com)
- Are You a Wife or a Wifey? Take This Quiz to Find Out (everythinggl.com)
Have you or are you dating or married to someone who’s simply Dead Weight? If not, thank your lucky stars. I’ve been there, done that, and not interested in doing it again. No Way! My experience with dating the “dead weight” was short-lived but a valuable lesson was learned. I’m so glad I had the foresight to walk away from it rather than stay and prolong the inevitable.
This isn’t the case for everyone for one reason or another. Case in point, Towanda Braxton from Braxton Family Values is married to Andre “The Dead Weight” Carter and they have two children together. They have been separated for some now. On the show we see Andre with no job and no desire to get a job to support his family. He and Towanda don’t have a place of their own. They lived with Toni at one point and then at the beginning of the 2nd season of the show they were living with Trina and her family. Now Towanda has her own home and guess what? Andre is still there. They have moved from home to home and Andre still has no job. Now I know the economy is bad and the unemployment rates are rampant but there are other things that make Andre dead weight besides not having a job.
First, his desire to get a job is not there. You can tell that bamma doesn’t want to work. He seems perfectly content with
smooching living off of Towanda’s family. He wants to be a writer. That’s great! I’m not knocking that. Everyone should pursue their dream. The problem is he is not alone. He has a family to take care of. That means get a job that you may not want for the sake of taking care of your responsibility and continue to pursue your dream as well. Secondly, the fact that he is quite comfortable with having his wife, kids, and himself living in another man’s house leaves a lot to be desired. Not only is he living there, he is walking around eating a bowl of cereal, like he’s the man. I hope he is watching to see how he looks. When Trina finally asked Towanda to move out (which I know was very hard), what does Andre do? Not a damn thing! Oh except follow Towanda. Which brings me to my next point. Towanda finally buys a house and smooching ass, dead weight Andre asks if he was going to move in. Her response was, “I thought you were going to move in with your grandmother.” **crickets** He didn’t even attempt to get his own place. Then to top it off he tries to pressure her about their sex life or lack there of. He says a man has needs………….ummm and so does your family. How can he put pressure on her when he has not done anything that Towanda asked him to do in order to try to salvage the marriage? His biggest worry is her moving on with someone else. I say stop making excuses and MAN UP Andre!
I know Towanda has her reasons for not totally kicking his ass to the curb. For example she want to put up a united front for the children. She doesn’t want a separation or divorce to impact the children negatively. She also keeps him around because she travels a lot. He’s a 24 hour babysitter. I understand that but how long is she willing to keep that front going. Children are very intuitive. Also, what message is Andre sending to his son? It’s ok to let other people take care of you and your family when you are an adult.
In a nutshell, Andre is dead weight. He lacks drive and ambition. He is a free loader that is obviously content with living off his wife and her family. I think Towanda could do better but it is ultimately her choice. It would be nice to see him get his act together for the sake of his family.
I say to you Truthseeker fans, carrying dead weight can be exhausting. It can pull you down and impact your life in a negative way. Just say NO to dead weight!
Any thoughts?? Insight?? Do share!
- How Many Ways the Braxtons Fail at Love (clutchmagonline.com)
- Towanda Braxton Dishes On Her Relationship & Sister Toni’s Health *EXCLUSIVE* (hellobeautiful.com)