I was catching up on my Marie Claire magazines when I came across an article in the March 2013 issue. The article is “The Seven Types of FWBs”. It basically outlines the different types of friend with benefits relationships that exist. Now I’m a bit perplexed because this causal relationship has evolved into many things.
This list originated from a study conducted by Arizona State University and Northern Illinois University. It was published in the Journal of Sex Research. Check it out list!
1. True Friends (what we call TF)
Academic Definition: An important friend considered a safe sexual partner.
Translation: You actually want to hang out with him with your clothes on.
My translation: This is the original friends with benefits!
2. Just Sex (JS)
Academic Definition: Other than sexual encounters, little interaction occurs.
Translation: You only talk to him after 11 p.m.
My translation: Everyone knows this is a booty call! #cuttybuddy
3. Network Opportunism (NO)
Academic Definition: Friends whose shared network allows them to interact, typically while consuming alcohol.
Translation: He’s your end-of-the-party default option.
My translation: One Night Stand!
4. Successful Transition (ST)
Academic Definition: Intentionally and effectively using an FWB to initiate a romantic relationship.
Translation: Through your wit and charm, you’ve turned it into a real thing.
My translation: Don’t hate the player; just hate the game!
5. Unintentional Transition (UT)
Academic Definition: An FWB leads to a romantic relationship, although it was not the original intent.
Translation: Whoops! He’s your accidental boyfriend.
My translation: A Situationship gone Right!
6. Failed Transition (FT)
Academic Definition: One or both partners attempted, unsuccessfully, to generate a romantic transition.
Translation: You’re heartbroken (or he is)… And now you’re having heartbreak sex.
My translation: #EPIC Fail! or A Situationship gone Wrong!
7. Transition Out (TO)
Academic Definition: Sexual interactions between partners from a terminated romantic relationship.
Translation: Your halfhearted breakup sex lasts for months.
My translation: Too damn complicated! Stop while you’re ahead!
I guess causal relationships have become a little more complex. It seems like it would be little less complicated to be in an exclusive relationship. Then again causal relationships originated because people want no strings attached relationships. Whatever the case may be……Know your relationship status!
What’s you current relationship status? Which FWB are you? Is there another type of FWB that should be added?
Happy New Year Truthseeker Fans!!!!!
Since starting this blog in July 2011, I have definitely grown. I started under the name Truthseeker411 and later revealed my identity to family and friends. I changed the title and the layout of the blog. It was definitely a slow but fun start. I am grateful for the support of friends, family, and other people who have taken the time to read my rants and ramblings. As for 2012, my fan base has increased. I have more subscribers and that’s a good thing. I’ve had guest bloggers, won two awards, and established friendships with a few fellow bloggers. Twenty Twelve has been nice for The Truth About Dating. With that being said, here are the blog stats for 2012:
- The Truth About Dating was viewed 28,000 times in 2012
- There were 59 blog posts 2012. That brings the total to 91 posts.
- There were visitors from the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom.
Here are the Top 5 Posts written by Truthseeker of 2012….
- Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-6b
- A Deadly Lie http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-p
- Questions Single Women (0ver 30) Love to Hate http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-9P
- Shades of Love http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-4k
- 10 Things Men and Women Lie About in Relationships http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-1g
Top 5 Posts written by other bloggers/guest bloggers that was shared on my site…….
- Six Different Types of 35 Year Old Men
- What Do Black Men Think of Black Women’s Natural Hair
- For the Love of Our Black Sisters
- Forbidden Love: Interracial Relationships
- Seven Different Types of 35 Year Old Women
My vision for 2012 was to:
- Increase my fan base…..mission accomplished
- Have a few guest bloggers………mission accomplished
- Get more feedback or comments……a work in progress
- Start Date Night Chronicles (Real dating experiences)…….mission accomplished
- Have over 100 posts by the end of 2012…….Almost….91 posts
My vision for 2013…..
- Continue to increase my fan base
- Get more feedback and comments (establish a community)
- Have over 150 posts by the end of 2013
- Start an Ask Peter Black Column
Twenty Twelve was amazing!! Let’s make Twenty Thirteen more amazing!!
Which post did you like the best? Which post do you think should have made it to the Top 5? What are your plans for 2013?
A commenter shared her story after reading my blog post Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies. FWBs are so relevant now. More and more, people find themselves entangled in this type of relationship. Instead of me sharing my thoughts about the situation, Peter Black has decided to give his male perspective.
Comment: Confused…I have what I believe is an fwb relationship except for the fact that the guy says we only see each other and no one else and calls me his girlfriend, he wants no emotional attachment and no future just wants to be in the moment. We have been dating (or whatever this is) for 5 months and he is also very jealous. When I approached him with my confusion his response was “do you think i should be going ga-ga over you?” How do you have a non-emotional relationship with someone who wants nothing more than to have fun, dinners, hanging out holidays together and we both have children that also are part of this relationship we do stuff with them and still call it fwb? I am fine with the fwb relationship just confused on what he wants from this since I don’t get any answers. Men really are from another planet I think, lol
Confuse: [kuh n-fyooz] to fail to distinguish between; associate by mistake; confound:
Dear Ms. Confused
Thank you on two fronts. First, thank you for following The Truth About Dating. Without readers, blogging is simply talking to one’s self. 🙂 Second, it takes courage to leave a comment, exposing you and your situation. We applaud your effort and again we say thank you!
It’s been 5 months, you’re confused, somewhat emotionally attached and I can see why. The actions or the things you two do go beyond the organic definition of friends with benefits, in particularly exclusivity. While you and he have a fantastic modified version of friends with benefits, it’s still like leaving the milk out of the frig; it’s going to go bad.
To avoid the disastrous ending, at least for you, seek clarity in two areas, confirming the status and the direction in which things are headed. I know. I know. You’ve asked before and he hasn’t responded. However, try this approach. Let him know your questioning is not an attempt at marriage or a long-term commitment. Tell him you’re asking out of respect, as you don’t want to disrespect him in any way like having him see you out on a date with another person.
For now you’re satisfied. But, who knows what may come in the next 5 months, hopefully more benefits with your new friend. 🙂 However, remember, be honest with yourself and him, acknowledging when things have changed and you begin to want more.
Are there any other words of encouragement for confused? Please share!
It’s been a while since we have had a Your Truth About Dating Story. I received this email from N.L. in Chicago, a few weeks ago.
Comment: Hey truthseeker411,
I read your post FWB vs Cut buddy. It was very insightful. However, I have an issue. I am seeing this guy and we decided to label our relationship fwb, since we both are not ready to be in a relationship. We are both seeking companionship. The issue is he never calls, he sends occasional text messages. We never hang out in public like go grab a bite to eat or go to the movies. We are always at either my house or his. When we are together we laugh, talk, and have a lot of fun. It just isn’t sex. I get the feeling we are cut buddies but when I ask him, he says no we are more than a rumble in the hay. I expected us to do things together and talk on the phone occasionally. That’s what I signed up for as a fwb. When I read your post, you defined fwb how I expected it to be. My guy friend isn’t holding up his end.I would really like us to continue as fwb. I’m not sure how to make him understand how I feel without coming off as a nagger. FWB is supposed to be stress free. What should I do?
Sincerely, N.L. in Chicago
Click Here to read Friends with Benefits vs. Cut Buddies http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-6b
First of all I want to thank you for reading my blog. Secondly, I apologize for not responding promptly. I have been swamped with school work and it has been hard to keep up with my blog. Nonetheless, I am here now.
It’s sounds like you guys are on two different pages when it comes to how you define FWB. When you guys decided to be FWB, did you guys discuss at length exactly what you were looking for and your meaning of FWB? I ask this because people tend to have different definitions of FWB. There are several blog posts on the topic. My definition goes along with the Urban Dictionary. Also make sure you are not developing feeling sfor this guy. That’s one of the common reasons why FWB do not work. You’re right it is supposed to be stress free. You have to be comfortable and in agreement with the arrangement. That’s why it is important that both of you have an understanding of what the other wants. I say talk to him and tell him what you want. Then see of that is what he wants and go from there. The most important thing is to not settle for the arrangement if you are not happy with it. You have to be willing to walk away from it or it will continue to stress you out.
Alright Truthseeker fans…………what advice do you have for N.L.?
What’s the difference between friends with benefits and cut buddies? According to the Urban Dictionary…….
Friends with Benefits– A safe relationship, that mimics a real partnership but is void or greatly lacking jealousy and other such emotions that come with a serious relationship. 2. A physically involved relationship, where both partners enjoy some comforts of sitting on the fence between serious relationship and simple friendship.
Cut Buddy– A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you want sex and nothing more. 2. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with.
A friend and I recently had a discussion about friends with benefits and cut buddies. We were trying to decide if they were the same or different. This is what we came up with:
Friends with benefits do more that just have sex. They go to the movies, concerts, shows, etc. together. They talk on the phone at least once or twice a week. They have established a full-blown exclusive relationship is not what they want. They have a mutual respect for each other and on some level they care for each other. Basically they enjoy the companionship without the commitment.
Cut Buddies are basically booty calls. They only hook up for sex. There is no hanging out whatsoever! There is no communication other than the occasional call or text for sex. Emotions are totally lacking and getting the itched scratched is the primary goal.
Basically what we came up with is very close to what the urban dictionary said. It is understandable how people would confuse the two. Now let’s talk about the pros and cons of FWB and CB.
FWB can be quite comfortable, convenient, and fun, especially if both parties are not looking for a serious relationship. It really works for people who want companionship with no strings attached. Being able to have dinner, go bowling, or hang out at a local night spot without the pressure of trying to impress is a wonderful perk. The beauty of FWB is the friends aspect of it. There is a level of care and respect between the friends and sex is the icing on the cake. The thing to remember is that both parties MUST be on the same page and ultimately have the same wants and desires of a FWB.
The biggest drawback is catching feelings. When one person starts to get emotionally attached and wants more, the dynamics of the relationship change. This results in hurt feelings, heartbreak, and a ruined friendship. Another drawback is feelings of jealousy. Even though you are not committed to each other, you may develop feelings of jealousy when you see the other person with another one of his or hers friends with benefits.
There are no real benefits of a cut buddy. The sole purpose of a cut buddy is sex. It’s nothing more than a booty call, f*** buddy, or sex buddy. A cut buddy usually does not want to do anything beyond the bedroom gymnastics.
The downside is the lack of emotion, communication, and friendship. On the other hand, emotions can get involved just like FWB. The more you sleep with someone the more attached you can become. It’s human nature.
Friends with benefits, cut buddies, sex buddies, booty calls, and one night stands are all forms of casual sex. Casual sex relationships have become very common for various reasons. Should you decide to get involved with a FWB or Cut Buddy relationship, be sure you clearly understand the pros and cons. Most definitely have an understanding of what the relationship is. You don’t want to be a Cut Buddy and think you are a friend with benefits. A Cut Buddy is the same as a booty call but it isn’t the same a friend with benefits. I stumbled across the image below and just had to share.
Before engaging in casual sex relationships, always remember to use protection. #Safe Sex
What are your thoughts about FWB vs Cut Buddies? Are they the same or different?
- FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS RELATION: could it be said aloud? (getawayzzz.wordpress.com)
- Holiday Hookup (A Guest Blog by Sandra Bunino) (violetwilliamserotica.wordpress.com)
- FWB’s. (sexinthevalley.wordpress.com)
It’s that time again……..
It’s officially fall, winter is around the corner, and football season is in full effect. It’s something about the cooler weather that makes men and women lubby-dubby. That’s right….men and women!!!! This is the season for new love, new adventures, new romance. As a result, you get the Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle.
The Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle is the opposite of Spring Fling and Summer Lovin. If you have not read that post check it out http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-2d’
The Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle is when romance happens, old flames rekindle, lovers reconnect, and new relationships blossom. No one wants to go through the long winter months unattached to someone. Cuddling up with a pillow or snuggling in a blanket alone is not an option. Men will be making love connections happen. Women will be ready and willing to be snatched up. Don’t be surprised if your spring fling or summer love turn into an exclusive relationship.
Husbands and significant others will avoid the doghouse at all costs. Ladies, this may be the chance to get everything done on that honey-do list. The husbands and s/os want to be able to kiss, cuddle, and make love to you without any hassles. The cool weather reminds them about how well a woman can warm then up.
Fellas, the ladies want to be kissed and cuddled. They want to feel your warm body next to them on a cold night. They want you to rub their hair and plant sweet kisses on their lips. Oh and believe me, the ladies will avoid giving tongue lashings just to get a little fall kiss and winter cuddle. Ha!
Some of you may have what I call old faithful. That’s the person you consider as your friend with benefits. You and this person have a “no strings attached” relationship that is convenient for the both of you. It’s similar to a fling but it continues through all seasons. Old faithful is perfect for the Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle. It’s like being in a relationship without the hassle.
Now here is the flip side to the Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle. You may find yourself getting calls from guys and girls from past flings. They are trying to reconnect but not necessarily in a good way. Their main agenda is to make you the fall back guy/girl because they don’t want to be alone. They don’t really want to be in a relationship but they seek companionship. They can’t imagine not having someone to cuddle with so they call you up. If being the fall back person is not a problem for you, then go for it.
Fall and Winter are full of opportunities to get close: romantic fires, holidays galore, snuggle-friendly weather. If you don’t have a cuddle boo, start looking now. Go ahead the time is now to start enjoying the Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle.
Check out Spring Fling and Summer Lovin! http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-2d
- It’s Time to Start Cuddling (alyssamorin.wordpress.com)