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For the Fellas


Today I want to celebrate MEN! I know we have a world full of cheating, lying, scheming ass men but there are still a few good men left. Today is the day for the man who is taking care of his business by being faithful, loyal, trustworthy, a provider, a friend, a lover, a supporter………basically an all around good guy. Thank you for being YOU! To all the men who was once before a lowdown dirty dog and decided to turn over a new leaf, Thank you!  I know sometimes you feel out numbered and that you have to pay for the sins of another man. Keep doing what you are doing! It’s your day, embrace it. Women may talk about how men are jerks but the bottom line………We still need and want you…….not to mention we love you!

Let me tell you what women love about you:

  1. your drive and ambition
  2. your confidence
  3. your honesty
  4. your sense of humor
  5. your appearance
  6. how you defend her honor
  7. how you handle business
  8. how you take care of your responsibility

Fellas, you are very strong and sexy! God created you just for us. How could we not love that?

To all the women, tell your husband, your boyfriend, your lover, your friend that today his day and he is Awesome!!

Ladies, what are some things you love about men?  Share an awesome experience you had with a man whether it’s your husband, father, brother, friend, etc.

Fellas feel free to give feedback. We want to hear from you.

Have a Happy & Wonderful Father’s Day!!

Dr. Truthseeker

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10 Signs He’s Into You

 

The beginning stages of dating or developing a relationship can be tough at times. When you meet a guy that you like, you try to figure out of he’s into. Men can be hard to read at times. One thing’s for certain is that it isn’t hard to figure out if he’s NOT into you. After talking to various guys, reading articles, and life experiences, I have compiled a list of signs that will be helpful in deciphering whether he’s into.

1. He calls you on a regular or when he says he will call.

Guys generally don’t enjoy talking on the phone. If he calls you often chances are he enjoys talking to you.

2. He’s attentive and thoughtful.

When he likes you, he will make an effort to show you. He will plan fun things for you to do together. He will pull out all the stops to impress you.  If he sends a quick sweet text when he’s working or super busy that’s a sign that he’s thinking of you.

3. He looks at you a lot.

You know when you catch him looking at you and he quickly looks away. Sometimes he will gaze at you for a long period of time. We are sometimes guilty of this as women also. You’ve seen it before.

4. He listens to you.

When a guy is interested in what you have to say and genuinely seeks your opinion, he’s into you. He will make you part of the conversation and he will definitely not make it all about him.

5. He wants you to meet other people his life.

When a guy is into you, he will talk about you to his friends and he will want you to meet them . He will want you to be a part of his inner circle.  He may invite you to work functions. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t meet the parents right away. That will eventually come. There’s no timetable for that. Each guy is different in that retrospect.

 

6. He remembers the corny and quirky things you say or do.

If he smiles or chuckle at your silly shenanigans, he thinks you’re funny and cute.

7. He wants to spend every moment with you.

When a guy likes you, he will want to spend time with you. He will make the effort to take you on a date and do things that you like to do. He will definitely court you and not treat you as a booty call.

8. He shares or shows you things that he hasn’t shared with anyone else.

Men usually don’t open up about things like women. If he shares or expresses things consider that a plus.

9. He touches you.

When I say this I don’t mean sexually. When you are together and he touches your hand, arm, leg, or knee is a good sign he likes you.

10. He will watch a chick flick or a lifetime movie with you.

If it doesn’t bother him or he doesn’t complain about watching the latest chick flick, that’s a definitely a sign he wants to be near you. Let’s face it! He could be watching a game or boxing.

 

This list can go on and on. However, these are just a few signs to look for when trying to figure out if a man is into you.

What other signs should be added to the list?

Truthseeker411

Spring Fling and Summer Lovin

I was just thinking it’s Back to School Time. The summer is about to end and football season will begin soon. This made me think about the fun times of spring and summer. The time when the ladies show off those freshly shaved legs and cute pedicures. Shorts, sundresses, rompers are the trend of the season. Not to mention, rockin the cute shades and sexy swimsuits. It’s enough to send the men into a feeding frenzy! Oh and the men are showing off those rock hard abs and beautiful arms. Their hair is always freshly cut and some love to rock those fedoras. The confidence and the swag they have is overwhelmingly sexy. Let the battle of the sexes begin! Everyone is on the prowl for a………

                                                           

So ladies if your man started acting up after Valentine’s Day, blame it on the warm temperatures and blooming flowers. He probably didn’t want to be tied down in a relationship. Why bring sand to the beach? And fellas if your woman has lost a few extra pounds and asked for space, more than likely she wanted to add a few numbers to her little black book. It’s something about that spring fever and summer madness that makes everyone crazy. Well if you are still with your man or woman then hopefully you added a little sizzle to relationship because it is definitely hot out there. I do mean literally and figuratively 🙂

Let’s talk about Spring Fling! What is a Spring Fling anyway? Well according to the urban dictionary it is a casual relationship between two persons who are attracted to one another. This can involve puppy love, sex, or perhaps just “hooking up”. It can also refer to a fling that takes place during the named season. (Btw………..Spring is when most animals mate!) With that being said, if you meet a guy or girl during a Spring Festival, Spring Break or, Spring Getaway it may not be your soul mate.It just may be someone to kick it with during the three most beautiful months of the year. If it does evolve into a wonderful romance……….then you are one of the lucky ones. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with having a Spring Fling. Sometimes this happens after a long romance that went sour or when you have been totally stressed with school, work, or both. There are quite a few ladies that aren’t comfortable with the idea of a Spring Fling for various reasons. I say go ahead girl and do your thing………………. You only live once! Besides men have done this shit for years. You may have been a Spring Fling and didn’t know it. For example, have you ever started a romance and it was going well and you guys were having fun and then within 3-6 months it’s over. I hate to break it to you but you were a Spring Fling.

Now what about Summer Lovin? It’s a sexual adventure free of hassles, commitments or drama, timed for the summer only. It’s not just limited to sex. Summer Lovin is something light and fun-filled with nothing to worry about at the end of the season. It’s usually not exclusive to one person and ends in a mutual agreement of friendship. This takes me back to Sandy and Danny in the movie Grease. Oh don’t act like you don’t remember the movie! They had a summer fling that evolved into a complicated relationship by the fall and winter, partly because of the infamous “representative” Danny put on during the summer. Now granted they did get it worked out and they fell in love and drove off into the sunset. It doesn’t happen that way all the time but you can still enjoy Summer Lovin and not be attached or exclusive. Ladies, I know that we want our flings and lovin to end this way but let’s stop kidding ourselves. Life isn’t a fairy tale and we are not Cinderella. Can we have a happy ending? Hell Yes!! But we can also live in the moment, have fun, and just maybe create our own happy ending. Think about it like this…….you are looking good and it’s summer time. You have three carefree months of not being stuck in a serious relationship but all the perks of one with just a little Spring Fling and Summer Lovin!

So go ahead girlfriend and just Enjoy Yourself like Michael Jackson says. Live your life off the wall. You’ll be happy you did and you will definitely have great memories. If the men can do it, so can we!

Have you ever had a spring fling or summer romance? How did it end? Did you enjoy it? Would you do it again?

Truthseeker411

Stay tuned for the  Fall Kiss and Winter Cuddle follow-up!

I’ll Be Back

It’s been a while been a while since I’ve posted about some of my random truths or falsities about dating 🙂 I’ve been bogged down in dissertation shiggity. Chapter 2 (the Lit Review) is no joke. The deadlines have been mad crazy and the professor/editor is a beast with the red pen. I get comments like……..Truthseeker, your writing is great but double-check your APA and cite everything. Hello….What the hell do you think I have been doing?!?!? The entire paper is full of citations because I can’t share my own ideas at this point. All I do is research, read, write, and cite. Ok I digress……….. The light is slowly peeping through the tunnel.

This is what my life is like at the moment.

I will be back soon with some random ish about dating but for now I want to share a site with you. This guy over at The Black Dating Blog, recently published a post titled “Top 100
Family, Marriage, and Relationship Blogs for African-Americans”. The Truth About Dating is on the list 🙂 I applaud him for pulling together a list of bloggers with different perspectives. Please go check it out: http://www.bestblackdatingsites.org/top-100-family-marriage-and-relationship-blogs-for-african-americans/  Thank you Joseph Atkins!

Don’t forget to send your burning dating questions to askpeterblack@yahoo.com. Answers will be posted on Fridays. Also if you have a Truth About Dating Story you want to share, please do. Contact me at thetruthseeker411@gmail.com.

Laters Baby,

Truthseeker411

A Special Message to Truthseeker Fans

Thank you so much for supporting this blog!

Love,

Truthseeker411

What are your holiday plans?

A Situationship

What do you call a relationship that is more than friends with benefits but less than an exclusive relationship?

A friend and I had this conversation a couple of months ago. We were trying to figure out how to define such a relationship. This particular friend met a guy and they hit it off instantly. They started hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. The chemistry between the two of them were off the charts. After a couple of months of dating, they decided to discuss where they were relationship wise. The guy wasn’t looking for a significant other, but he didn’t quite see my friend as a fwb. My friend wasn’t looking for a significant other either. She had moved on from another relationship and just wanted to chill. She also felt he was more than a fwb. After jokingly discussing it, my friend came up with the term “situationship”.

What’s a situationship?

A situationship is a fun but tricky in-between stage of being more than friends with benefits but less than a relationship.  It has all the benefits of a relationship without the obligations. The interesting thing is that more often than not a situationship can turn into a full-blown relationship. As with most casual relationships it can get emotionally complicated.

Is it worth it?

The truth of the matter is that a situationship can get complicated.  Despite how complicated it can be, it’s an easygoing alternative to a relationship. You get the best of both worlds.  You get the same benefits of a being in a relationship without the title; while enjoying the freedom of being single. Two things can happen in a situationship. You may find yourself in an exclusive relationship or worse-case scenario, you may crash and burn. You have to decide if it’s worth it to you.

In a Nutshell

A situationship is another casual relationship but a little different from friends with benefits, cutty buddy, booty call, etc. Some may say, why not just be exclusive. If it looks, acts, walks, and quacks like a duck ; then it’s a duck. That may be true but for some they need to have boundaries or restrictions in place before they take a big leap into a relationship. Besides, the traditional relationship in a sense is ever-changing.

As for my friend, her situtationship turned into a relationship. She and the guy have a strong like for each other. In the words of J Cole, they just can’t get enough of each other. That’s a good thing!

Have you ever been in a situationship? What happened? Did you like it? Do tell? What would you call a relationship that is more than friends with benefits but less than an exclusive relationship?

This post is dedicated to my sister friend. She knows who she is. I see you, social butterfly 😉 Love ya!

Truthseeker411

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Friends With Benefits vs Cut Buddies http://wp.me/p1FYfJ-6b

For the Love of Our Black Sisters

A friend of mine shared this with me on Twitter. I thought it was a very good post and of course I wanted to share it on my blog. This post is written by a talented brother. His insight is on point. So without further ado introducing darcwonn1906 from http://chocolatecoveredlies.com/. Check it out!!

I love black women.

Let me be honest, I love black women and I have no problem saying it. This does not mean that I don’t appreciate Caucasian or Asian women, either. It does not mean that I will discriminate. What it DOES mean is that throughout the trials, tribulations, and whatnot that I may go through with a black woman, I still love them. I was raised by one. I have a twin sister and a daughter. I am dating a black woman. My love for black women is undying.

But can I say the same for other black men? Astoundingly, yes I can. But, the problem is that so many have been blinded by “lack of black love” that they make their disparaging remarks in public or “in music” [1]. Many black women feel slighted by this. Others may “protest”. In turn, there are a few of us that make our situation hard.

My chocolate covered lie? Cool, let us get into it: black men don’t want black women anymore.

Are we all ready for this journey? Because you know I am.

Why This Issue?

I picked this issue because it is important to our race. We are one (if not the only) race that has internal male/female relationship issues. So much is given to our race due to our “divide and conquer” attitudes as of late [2]. Even the media has helped us along the way with the discrepancy. This issue is important because so many are lost on whether or not we, as a people, have these issues with each other.

The Stereotypes

I noticed some artwork by Philadelphia based artist Alex L on Facebook. The work breaks down some aspects that men find troubling:

1.) Our women don’t support our men: I can’t even say this with a straight face. Our women probably OVERSUPPORT our men (in certain cases). Some of it happens to the point of nausea. Yes, there are quite a few women that don’t. Then there are others that are “tired of it” and need us to “step it up” [3]. Whichever side of the spectrum one may reside, I’m not buying into the “our black women don’t care about us” idea. I refuse to. It just isn’t true.

2.) Black men getting with white women due to lack of choice: First of all, you seriously have to be “lame” or “living in the wrong area” to lack choice in women. Some actually enjoy their partners regardless of color. There are some that do it “because they are tired of black women”, but women are women. They will nag, be combative, or mean regardless of race. Plus, many interracial relationships have a smaller rate of becoming marriages than same race dating [4]. So, take it as it is: even interracial relationships aren’t guaranteed to work.

3.) Many black women are “too independent” and “self-serving”: Plenty are. And plenty are not. Please don’t believe the hype of our black women not loving themselves. There are increases in women going back to natural hair styles and holistic living [5]. Also, there are plenty of women in touch with their heritage. I know a lot of women that can cook and are submissive to their men.Oh, and trust me: plenty of women cannot STAND the “Nicki Minaj clones” that run around here. Just the truth.

The Skinny

Black men, please love your black women. If you do, please act like it. We can’t keep going around as if our women aren’t good enough or they don’t love us. They do. Sometimes, they are just frustrated by us. Or, they are purely misled. Whichever way it goes, it we want to mend this situation we need to start being realistic. Truth be told, there is nothing like Black Love anyway.

‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!

Click here to check him out! For The Love of Our Black Sisters: CCL #30 (chocolatecoveredlies.com) Be sure to check out Part 2 to this Post………….For the Love of Us Black Brothers

Show him some love…………What are your thoughts?

Truthseeker411

Finding a Wife

This post was written by Sammie from www.aprillaugh.com. It was written for the men but women I think you can benefit as well Enjoy!

It is not easy to connect with a good woman. If you want to have a good woman in your life, you must be willing to do all that it takes to find her. Before you find, you must search. Proverbs 18:22. If you don’t search but ‘stumble on’ a woman, she’s is not the one you are looking for. She must be sought for and found.

Guys, when dealing with a woman you must understand that she’s more than what you see. Men are moved by sight but a woman is far more complex than what you see. If you don’t realize this, you will be deceived. A woman realizes that men are moved by sight so she dresses to impress, confuse and distract you. Don’t be deceived by what she looks like because that is the least important part of her being. What is important is within her.

A woman may have fake hair, fake eye lashes, fake boobs, fake bum, fake face but she cannot fake her character. This part of her being is real and cannot be faked. If she tries to fake it, she would fail woefully. To reach her character, her soul, her real person, you must wade through all that she presents to you at first sight. This will be difficult for you to do but if you want a WIFE, you must be patient with the process.

Her body may arouse and excite you but that doesn’t make her special. It is a natural reaction for a man to respond physically to a beautiful woman. What is important is to be aroused and excited by her soul and her character because that is the real person. A woman may not arouse you with her body but if she attracts you with her character and her soul, you will be aroused by her body. Therefore, you should focus on searching for a woman with the right character because that is the foundation for a great relationship. A woman who always draws your attention to her body has nothing else to offer you and is trying to deceive you. If you allow her sexy body to deceive you, if you allow sex to manipulate you, you will live with an ugly character.

What you should search for is that woman with a ‘sexy character’ that arouses you all the time. Such a woman is rare that is why you must search for her. You must look beyond your physical reactions to her and focus on your soul reactions. She may or may not arouse you physically-initially- but if she is your wife, the one you have been searching for, she will definitely connect with and arouse your soul.

Truthseeker411

Break Up With Me and I’ll Sue

There is an article in the July 2012 issue of Marie Claire Magazine that totally shocked me. Apparently you can sue an ex lover to recover expenses that occurred during the relationship. WOW!

This couple only dated a few months when his aggressive, controlling, insecure, and smothering behavior started to rear its ugly head. They constantly argued because he couldn’t control her. He wanted to make her love him. They went on a vacation to India, which was probably not a good idea. They fought during the entire two-week vacation. She decided she would break up with him once they returned home. She did just that and of course it wasn’t an easy break up. He begged and pleaded and she denied all of his attempts. She was ready to be drama free.

A while later he emailed her and asked if he could be reimbursed for money he spent on the vacation to India, including restaurant visits, hotel and spa charges, a few other miscellaneous charges. She ignored it. He sued her for $900. Evidently she missed the court date and the judgment was rendered. She had the option to pay or reopen the case.

She chose to pay the $900 because she realized her ex was still trying to have control by forcing her to face him court. She felt like paying the judgment was worth not giving him this last shred of power. She just wanted to be free of his a$$ once and for all.

Click here to read the article.  My Ex Sued Me – Man Sues His Ex for Vacation Costs – Marie Claire

I must say when I first read this I was appalled. I can’t believe he sued her and actually won. Can you imagine how many other scorned lovers will come out of nowhere and sue for all the dates, Christmas gifts, and  Valentine’s Day goodies they paid for? When you enter a relationship, you do so at your own risk that it may not work out. If it that happens you deal with it and move on. Now you have to worry about being sued. This takes dating to a whole new level.

The best part of the article is her walking away and not giving him the power. She paid the money and it was worth it to have a peace of mind. There is nothing like having peace after being in a crazy, chaotic relationship. Maybe she should sue him for being aggressive and controlling. Surely she could get punitive damages for dealing with his crap. Hmm I wonder did the $900 make him feel better.

Would you sue your ex if he/she broke up with you? Would you have paid the $900?  Is it right to sue someone for not loving or wanting to be with you?

Truthseeker411

Date Night Chronicle1:Reviving the Chocolate

A few months ago a friend and her boo decided to play matchmaker. They wanted to set me up with her boo’s friend RT. After listening to their well prepared speech about RT and his qualifications, I said give him my number.  Evidently, RT was very eager to get acquainted with me. He called the very same night. What I didn’t know was that he saw me at a function and was very impressed ;-). Our first conversation was interesting. We talked for about 30 minutes. Just long enough to get a few formalities out of the way. After that we would talk maybe 2-3 times a week. My schedule was always so hectic with work, classes, and anything else I had to juggle. Mr. RT was very enthusiastic about seeing me but our conflicting schedules just wouldn’t allow it. Well it was mostly my schedule.

One Friday afternoon, RT decided enough is enough. He called and asked if I had plans for the evening. I said no but it had been a very long week and I am going to stay home and unwind with a bottle of wine. I also shared that I had to make chocolate covered strawberries for a baby shower. He asked is there was any way I could squeeze him in. I reluctantly said yes he could come over and have wine with me. He was elated and couldn’t wait. I hang up and think to myself if you get the strawberries done before he arrives, you can relax. Well let’s just say that didn’t happen. By the time I spruce up the house and myself, the doorbell was ringing. I really needed to have those strawberries ready by the next morning. I had so much to do.

RT was looking casually handsome and he had a huge bottle of Moscato. I had already bought a bottle and had been working on glass number one. We exchange pleasantries and I poured him a glass of wine. We talked and watched TV.  An hour had gone by and I started to think about the chocolate covered strawberries. I was feeling uneasy because I was in for a late night and I had to be up early the next morning. I finally asked RT would he be offended if I started to work on the chocolate covered strawberries. He said no problem. He shared that he was just glad to be in my presence. We move the wine party to the kitchen. He sits down at the bar and watch me work. I’m melting the chocolate and entertaining him at the same time. He is impressed that I have a few skills in the kitchen. All of a sudden something was going horribly wrong with the chocolate. I am stirring and stirring and it’s stiff. I’m panicking because I thought  followed the recipe. I am flushed because nothing  I did worked and the chocolate seemed to be useless. At this point, I am embarrassed because it seems that I have no clue about cooking or baking. What’s a girl to do!!

RT comes to the stove and tells me to sit and have another glass of wine.  He takes matters in his own hands and makes an attempt to salvage the chocolate. He adds a little milk and turns the heat down and stirs slowly. I sip my wine and wait patiently for the end result. I’m thinking to myself, I did everything he did and it didn’t work. What makes him think it’s going to work for him.  To my surprise the chocolate started to get smooth. He kept stirring slowly and patiently. Then voilà the chocolate was revived! He turned to me and said I revived your chocolate, you may start dipping now. I was shocked, impressed, and relieved all at the same time. He went on to say he took a some culinary classes a few years ago. He thought he would take the opportunity to show off a few skills. I laughed and thanked him for reviving the chocolate. Still a little embarrassed, I asked him would he like to help dip the strawberries in the chocolate. He said yes. We continued sipping wine, dipping strawberries, and having stimulating conversation for the rest of the evening. We also we helped ourselves to a few of the delicious strawberries.  I was so hesitant about the date in the beginning because I was tired and had too much to do. It turned out to be an exciting and memorable date. RT was truly a gentleman and I will always be grateful to him for reviving the chocolate.

Do you have a funny date night story you would like share? Do tell!

Truthseeker411

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